Are they quads? This is the most common question we get when we are out with the Sugar Snaps. In the beginning, I would typically reply by giving the Cliff Notes version of our story. I sometimes still do that. But, what I learned over the last (almost three!) years is that most people really do not want to know the details. It is similar to when someone asks, ‘how are you?’ They want you to say, ‘fine’ or ‘good’ no matter what kind of a day you are having. If you respond with more than that, they tend to look a little glazed over or surprised you answered a question that was not really intended as a question. I found with our story, even the Cliff Notes version is ‘TMI’ for most people. They simply want to tell someone later that they saw quads in real life.
I also discovered that most people tend to focus on the pregnancy more than the day to day reality of having four same-age children. I often get people looking me up and down trying to figure out how I carried four babies at once. They often ask me that very question. Or, they will comment that I look really good (for having carried four) or question, “you fit all of them in there!?,” gesturing to my stomach.
I used to give everyone the short version of our story because I was raised to tell the truth. Saying, ‘yes’ to the quad question felt dishonest even though my day to day life is no different than parents of four that shared the same womb. As you know if you’ve read our story, they are all biologically ours and are all the same age. I have gotten around the quad question by answering that they are all the same age. This leaves people even more confused. “And they are all yours?,” they will ask. My ‘yes’ answer confirms for them that they are quads. Sometimes they will look at me like I’m not very bright for apparently not knowing the word ‘quadruplets.’
After so many encounters and the realization that most people do not want to know, I have started replying ‘yes’ to the quad question. Though, I still struggle a little with that. Greg volunteers the quad word regularly when asked and feels no pangs about the nuances of difference. Functionally, are they quads? Yes! My day to day reality is that I have four same-age toddlers who are all siblings. If you were in my situation, what would you say? Cliff notes? A simple yes? Or, they are quads. Your comments are welcome.