Since we have lived in our home, we have been disappointed with our local HOA. I am sharing my letter to them with you below. We received one letter about our door and then a follow-up letter stating that they would hold a meeting to discuss our door and assess a fine if we did not take care of it by a particular date. I am curious to see how many of you have had invasive HOA’s in your neighborhoods. For simplicity’s sake, I used the word ‘quadruplets’ in this letter.
We
initially received the complaint letter about the paint on our front door
around the time that I had suffered a medical emergency related to an
undiagnosed heart condition that landed me in the emergency room at the Hospital
while my husband rushed home from work to care for our quadruplets. The issue with the ‘paint’ is actually smudges
on the door from our children’s handprints rather than a problem with the paint
itself. After we received the letter, my husband cleaned off their handprints
with cleaning solution. As time progressed this year, multiple tests
and an additional hospitalization later, it was discovered that I had a
congenital heart defect that required 3 cardiologists to perform a surgery a
few weeks ago. As you can imagine, our
children have put their hands on the door several times since then and created
additional smudges. You will have to
excuse us if smudges on our front door were not our highest priority during
this time
disheartening that people use their free time to
volunteer for a committee where they walk around and judge their neighbors for
having their children’s handprint smudges on the front door. I wonder if they would volunteer for such a
position if their names and addresses were published in the newsletter so that
the rest of the neighbors could provide them with the same kind of
feedback. Our door is not visible from
the street. I shudder to think that
while I lay in my hospital bed and my husband cared for our quadruplets inside our
home, someone walked up to our front door and wrote down our address on a sheet
of paper. They later looked up which
code smudges on the front door violated.
That is really a sad commentary on the lack of community.
to the newsletter as the “keep of the grass letter” as it is always a negative
letter about what people are doing wrong, whether it is taking too many tables
at the community clubhouse or that gophers have popped up in their yards. I wonder what the community could become if
those who volunteered their time to judge their neighbors took a different spin
on it and decided to form an ‘acts of kindness’ committee. If a family had a sick child, perhaps there
could be signups for members of the committee to bring them a meal or provide
the child with a card or stuffed animal.
Maybe there is an elderly neighbor struggling with weeds and a volunteer
committee could help them one Saturday. Maybe
local scout troops could be enlisted to help pick up garbage at the playground
or to plant flowers. If someone new
moved in perhaps the kindness committee could bring them fresh baked cookies or
volunteer to show them around the neighborhood.
Perhaps the committee could place a free library on several street
corners (https://www.facebook.com/LittleFreeLibrary). What a great idea to have neighbors sharing
books with neighbors.
would be proud to have their names published in the newsletter showing they
were part of the kindness committee.
They may not wish to admit they were part of the group that walked
around the neighborhood with their code books, but would be proud of making a
positive impact. I realize that it is
important to keep the neighborhood looking nice to uphold home values, but
there are better ways of going about it than committees that judge their neighbors
on minute details, under the mask of anonymity.
A kindness committee would be a great way to forge relationships and
teach children the value of helping their neighbors. Yes, we will address the smudges on our door,
so there is no need to hold a special meeting about the handprints. The time would be better spent figuring out
how to create a sense of community. If
there was a real sense of community in our neighborhoods, it would also increase
our home values as it would draw people in who wanted to be part of it.
Sybil Brun says
So sorry you went through this! I loved the actionable steps your provided to inspire a much more positive outcome, however. This part was my favorite, "I wonder what the community could become if those who volunteered their time to judge their neighbors took a different spin on it and decided to form an ‘acts of kindness’ committee."
Theresa says
Thank you Sybil.
It would be wonderful it this energy was used in a positive way (like a kindness committee). It could really turn things around.
: 0 ) Theresa
Jennifer Fischer says
I can't believe you had to deal with this. I love your letter and your Acts of Kindness Committee idea. It is fabulous — and would do such a better drop of building a sense of community and improving the neighborhood.
It's funny. I just had someone mention to me that others think of our community as "ghetto" — largely because we don't have HOAs and there are lots of different types of homes, no sidewalks, nothing uniform and sadly litter (the County will not provide trash bins along the street because there are not sidewalks).
The irony in these outside perceptions of our community from its look (lack of uniformity and nicely trimmed lawns, etc.) is that I have never (not even in the small towns in Oklahoma and Texas where I grew up) felt such a sense of community. I know ALL of my neighbors well. An acquaintance of a neighbor who had a tree trimming service gave us enough wood chips to redo our entire lawn, another family in our community gave us lots of outdoor toys when scaling back their home daycare and several other families in our community have given us clothing for our sons.
We speak to each other when we see each other in the community and individuals often give each other rides when they see someone walking home in the heat from the park or community center. I've learned a lot since living here, namely that you can't judge a book by its cover and that community is so much more important to me than property values. I think you should look for a house in our tiny town!!
Theresa says
I agree that you cannot tell what a neighborhood is like by looking. I think it is wonderful that you have such a great sense of community where people recognize and talk to each other. You have looked out for so many people and they have done the same for your family. This is what we would love to have here. I am not sure if my letter will spark some thought or changes. I hope so. If your town wasn't further away from Greg's job, I would seriously consider it!
: 0 ) Theresa
Jean Orr says
Sounds like the reason some of our neighbors moved to our neighborhood- they said to get away from the CC&Rs of their HOA. We don't have a formal HOA so things might not look perfect – but it's okay with me.
Theresa says
Hi Jean.
I can see why your neighbors moved away from the HOA with the CC&R's. Perfection is overrated.
: 0 ) Theresa
Mrs FF says
Oh dear father! This just sounds so wrong. Especially if your door is not visible from the street. Hmmm maybe they have some himuman drones hovering around 🙂
This is the one reason we've not moved as I like the freedom to do what I like. Hopefully your letter would touch a nerve and get people to do right
Ps: hope you are doing ok after the op
Mrs FF says
For fun I would love to know the response to your letter:) 🙂
Theresa says
Hi Mrs FF.
I will definitely share if I get a response to my letter. I am doing well after the heart procedure. Thank you for asking! It is great that you have the freedom to do what you like in your home. That sounds nice. Thank you for coming by and sharing your thoughts.
: 0 ) Theresa
Theresa says
I realized I never updated with their response. They let me know they were sorry to hear of my illness and they would make note of my concerns in "my file." They also said that they were paid to note the violations. It was not a volunteer position.
Natalie PlanetSmartyPants says
OMG, your HOA is so out of line. I also was shocked by their response. It seems that only people who have nothing better to do would take a position to serve on your HOA.
Theresa says
Hi Natalie.
The people who are paid to do this are with the management company hired by the board of directors of the HOA. I cannot imagine that it would be something that one would feel good about though, either way.
: 0 ) Theresa