I remember when we were going through our infertility journey. At first, it seemed like we were the only ones. Then, I became involved in the online infertility community and found out that we were far from alone. Many of us lost babies along the way. Greg and I heard more than one of our babies’ heartbeats, saw them on the monitor only to find out in later weeks that their hearts had stopped beating. I was carrying a baby inside me that was no longer alive. There was a procedure to remove our baby from my womb so they could analyze what went wrong. We would never have the chance to look into their eyes or hold them in our arms. We found out some of their genders. We know for certain that we lost at least one boy and one girl. We did not find out the gender of the other babies we lost. When we hear Capri’s infectious giggle, we wonder if her sister’s laugh would have had a similar sound. We wonder if our baby boy would have had Xayden’s charming voice, Ryder’s sweet smile or Grayson’s sense of humor. We found out that since our babies had not been born before they died, many people believed we hadn’t suffered a deep loss. The word ‘miscarriage’ does not seem like a baby who died. The word itself has a distant sound reminiscent of losing a package in the mail rather than a baby in the womb.
We were very blessed to have four children at the end of our journey. There have been strangers that have told us, “be careful what you wish for!” They have no idea. I had no idea how many people had losses greater than ours on their journeys until I became involved in the multiples community. Many people, like myself, went from the infertility group to the multiples group either during the multiples pregnancy or after the birth. I joined the local mothers of twins club later in my pregnancy but did not join the online community until several months after our babies were born. I was afraid to get our hopes up only to face loss again. I have met many women who have joined the multiples community during their pregnancies. Many of them have faced terrible losses, the kind they don’t publish in the paper. The paper shows happy stories of triplets, quadruplets and more and the exhausted glowing parents. The families that experience awful losses generally do not make the news.
People in the multiples community joined together to send prayers and positive thoughts to Jen and Chris Petersen after they lost one of their four babies she was carrying on March 11th, 2014. The other three babies seemed like they were going to pull through when suddenly the water broke in one of their sacs causing all three to ‘fall’ and lose their protective environment. The other three babies passed away on March 13th in their Daddy’s arms.. You might expect Jen and her husband to be bitter or angry. Instead, they have a strong faith and believe God took their angels to protect Jen’s life, though she would have gladly given her life to save theirs. Had this tragedy happened later in the pregnancy, it is likely Jen would have passed away along with the babies. They are choosing to focus on gratitude as they grieve the loss of their babies. Their unwavering faith and focus on gratitude is an inspiration. It made me take a mirror out and wonder if I would have had that kind of strength and grace in the face of such devastating loss.
From the Petersen’s Go Fund Me page:
“The Fantastic 4, Serenity 3/11/14, Jaxson, Gianna and Gage 3/13/14, went home to be with God.”
Tonya Winebrenner says
You are so strong to write this post. The pain you must relive just thinking of what to say is, I'm sure, unbearable. God bless you.
Thank you Tonya.
It was a hard post to write but I think it is an important topic to talk about. Our hearts go out to the Petersen family during this very difficult time.