You’ve probably seen toddler harnesses. Parents use them in the mall and around town. They look like backpacks that snap in the front. They have a removable ‘leash’ that fits onto the back with a handle for parents to hold. These are very controversial among parents, many who believe that they are demeaning ‘leashes’ used by lazy parents who do not want to make the effort to hold their toddler’s hand. There was an exposé a while back that suggested that parents looking obliviously in store windows may not notice as a child predator cuts the ‘leash’ and takes off with their child. This reinforces the notion that parents who use harnesses are walking around in a listless oblivion as their leashed children run wild.
Due to the controversy surrounding the harnesses, I was hesitant to get them. We stand out enough already with four toddlers who are the same age. I was not anxious to add controversy to the picture and listen to comments from outraged, misinformed parents. My husband had been wanting to get them for a while but I was not ready to deal with the controversy.
I have not taken the Sugar Snaps out very often by myself since the quad stroller broke (unless it is in stores where I can put them in the shopping cart). Recently, I decided to take them to a local park where there is a contained playground. I only needed to keep them safely on the path to and from the playground. That sounded really doable so I gave it a try. They cooperated very well on the walk to the playground which was at the bottom of a hill with a path leading from where I parked the car to the playground. I held two of their hands while the other two held hands in front of me. It went off without a hitch.
They played nicely at the playground where there were only two other toddlers and two grandmothers. I started to feel confident that I could go places alone with the Sugar Snaps and keep them safe. The time to leave arrived after they had been given sufficient warnings that we would be leaving soon. Two were fine with it being time to go and two were not which would have been no problem if Greg were there and we used strollers to whisk them off amidst protest. Instead, I held two of their hands (the ones who were protesting) and the other two walked hand in hand up the hill back to the car. I opened the car doors and the four of them sat side by side in the grass next to the car.
I loaded the first one into the car and then it happened. Two ran full speed down the hill away from me before I could stop them. One was in the car and one was on the grass. The one on the grass said, “no boo boo cars” which is a catch phrase we have used to talk about sidewalk safety. I instinctively knew that one would not run and bolted after the other two glancing repeatedly behind me. I caught up to them and walked them briskly back up the hill towards the other two, my heart pounding inside my chest. All the terrible things that could have happened raced through my mind as I told the two runners to ‘never do that again.’ As I told them that, part of me was standing outside of myself realizing how silly I sounded trying to imprint this wisdom onto the minds of active two year old toddlers.
As I drove home, adrenaline coursed through my veins. After I got them safely inside, tears flowed as the magnitude of what could have happened sank in. I called Greg in tears and told him I was never taking them out alone again (outside of a cart). He gently reminded me of the option of harnesses and that my absolute answer was not the answer. As our family trip to Disneyland approached, he picked up the harnesses which are animal ‘backpacks’, two dogs and two monkeys.
As soon as the Sugar Snaps saw them, they were in love, Miraculously, two loved the monkeys and two loved the dogs. They could not wait to try them on. Then, Greg took them on a walk around the block by himself. They loved it and he loved it. He was able to keep them safe and hold two of their hands as well. Two preferred the freedom of not needing to hold hands. Those who object think it is like walking a dog. Dog lovers would say that they use leashes because it is the law and it keeps their dogs safe, not to demean them. We put our children in child safety seats in the car to keep them safe, not to keep them tethered, the same reason that we use strollers. Those who judge harnesses are simply misinformed and place a stereotype on them. Toddlers actually love the backpacks and do not feel demeaned as some adults imagine. I would much rather use a harness than be on the news because my child was run over by a car because I was too afraid to use them.
My first experience using them was at Disneyland. Greg needed to carry two strollers onto the shuttle while I got all four on by myself. The harnesses allowed me to do that safely. Then, they came in handy while we stood in line for rides. Sometimes we waited fifteen to twenty minutes in the sun and they were too squirmy to hold hands for that long and were tempted to duck under the railings. The harnesses allowed us to keep them safe. It is not feasible as an adult to duck under the railings and watch the other toddlers at the same time. We got our first (and probably not our last) negative comment.
It was from a woman who was also in line with her child. Her daughter, about six or seven, noticed the harnesses. She innocently asked, “what’s that Mommy?” Her mother responded in a scathing tone, “those are leeeeeeeeashes!” I reminded myself that our children had no idea what she said or why and chose to say nothing for the sake of her child. Reprimanding a mother in front of her child would be more harmful than helpful. In my mind, I had all kinds of answers I chose not to utter. She, with her one older child, was not in a position to judge us (nor would she be in the position to judge a parent of one active toddler.) No one likes to be judged. We all care what other people think, as much as we may wish we didn’t. Otherwise, we might all run around in our pajamas all day because they are more comfortable. I am sure we will be tried again in the court of public opinion, but the safety of our children outweighs attempts to please strangers. What are your thoughts? I’d love to hear from you. As always, your comments are welcome and appreciated.
Lindsey Brady says
My son had the dog backpack and loved it. I was completely against it at first too, but it was a hand me down and he saw it and wore it around the house whenever he got a chance. One of the few times we used it out of the house, I heard comments from every which way, but he was THRILLED that he could walk around the mall and NOT hold hands with anyone or be carried. I just ignored those people, all of whom were childless while shopping. If I had four little ones to watch on my own I'd definitely use the backpacks again!!
Theresa says
Thank you for sharing your experience Lindsey.
Your son's reaction sounds just like our little ones. It is funny how the controversy seems to be coming from adults. Children think it is so much fun to wear the cute animals on their backs and have no idea about the stir it creates.
: 0 ) Theresa
Megs says
Before I had a child, I used to think that leashes were for the kids who didn't listen to their parents or were mis-behaving. Then we were blessed with a very active and very sweet 13 month old who loves to run everywhere! His great grandma sent down a monkey backpack and at first I thought I wouldn't use it. Then we took a road trip to see some National Parks and we couldn't have been happier! It's not feasible to carry a 28 lb 13 month old who wants to walk all the time. The backpack has been awesome – and he loves to 'walk' me with it!
Before we have kids, we all think that we'll do it better; then God gently shows us that we were wrong to be so proud. Whatever keeps your kids safe and happy is just fine! I have yet to get any comments, but I hope I can react with grace and humor. If you can't laugh at having toddlers, life is just too miserable! 🙂
Theresa says
Hi Megs.
Yes, we learn not to be too proud when life experience teaches us to be humble. I am sure you will react with grace and humor if you get comments. Or, in our case, the comment was indirect and we chose not to respond at all. Toddlers do provide many great laughs.
: 0 ) Theresa
Noreen says
I think harnesses are a good idea, and these sound like cute ones that the kids don't mind wearing. There are some kids who will run off at the least opportunity and it's not fun to chase them down while worrying about what could happen to them. Have you thought about wearing a belt that you could attach the ends of the leashes to, so your hands would be free?
amy mayen says
Okay, I definitely have something to say. I loved the leash backpack when I saw one at the mall. I asked the mom where she got it, then bought one.
I didn't realize how nasty people would be.
I loved it because it freed my arms up for pointing at stuff, exploring, shopping. My daughter also loved having 2 arms, and the freedom and independence. It's easy to carry a purse and hold a hand…until the phone rings!
Anyways, Im oblivious and it took me a while to figure out why people were staring me down and whispering. It wasn't until someone hissed something nasty that I figured it out.
Call me a wuss, I don't care. It was rough with one kid. You have four!! (U r amazing, btw!) back then I was young and a lot more hesitant to speak up. I wish I could go back in time and smile and nod at the losers who felt the need to judge me. I was too embarrassed to use it after all the negative attention.I wouldn't bat an eye if I saw a mom with a leash. If I saw a mom with four leashes, I'd applaud her awesomeness.
In closing, can I just say that the ones who were saying mean stuff usually had snotty kids licking storefront windows, pawing stuff on the shelves, and knocking things over? They will always throw the first rock:)
Theresa says
Hi Noreen.
That is a good idea. Often times I am holding their hands and the 'leashes' at the same time and things can get a little tangled. Thanks for the suggestion.
: 0 ) Theresa
Theresa says
HI Amy Mayen.
Thank you for the laugh. You crack me up. I look forward to reading more of your posts. I don't think anyone would call you a wuss. No one likes to be the one people are pointing at and whispering about. It is much more pleasant to blend in.
Thanks again.
: 0 ) Theresa
HQ says
Heck, if I had four kids all the same age, I would be ALL OVER the leashes! In fact I have two toddlers and sometimes wish I had them when I'm out in a busy parking lot or mall or something like that. Any person that would judge you for using them with four kids is clearly not thinking things through. And I can't believe that people dare to be so rude to others in public, it blows my mind.
Katie says
We used them. We don't need them anymore but my kids still ask to wear their backpacks. They loved them. I was lucky to never hear a negative comment, because I may not have been as reserved as you, I may have talked back.
We also made a point to use them so we knew we were safe, but at the same time practiced learning to hold hands. So they were a transition tool for us.
My mom had one for my sister when we were little. I was 6, my brother was 3 & she was the wildest 18 month old I've known to date. So she wore one.
Like everything else in life, don't judge until you have walked in those shoes.
Theresa says
Hi HQ.
Thank you for your supportive comments. I appreciate it. And, now that we've tried them, I'd recommend them for busy parking lots and theme parks.
: 0 ) Theresa
Theresa says
Hi Katie.
They will be a transition tool for us too. Most of the time, I'm holding their hands along with the harnesses, but the harness provides a little added security for the moments when they are tired and giddy and want to run off. I know those times will pass and we need to keep them safe until they do. I agree with you about not judging until you have walked in those shoes. It is great to hear from you. Thank you for stopping by and sharing your thoughts.
: 0 ) Theresa
Anonymous says
I used a stuffed animal doggy harness with my first son during his, I'm gonna run as fast as I can away from mommy in public, phase. I used in for only a few weeks and he learned to listen and stay near me.
I never had negative feedback from anyone. Most people wanted to no where to buy one.
Then my twin boys came along! They wore them a lot more. They loved wearing them. Again no negative feedback.
I felt like it was simply a matter of safety. Especially with twin boys. You can go in two directions. Clearly that woman was ignorant.
Theresa says
The harnesses do help with safety. I am glad to hear you did not get any negative feedback. I hope we will not receive any more. They are a great safety tool.
JDaniel4's Mom says
My son had one. We didn't use it often, but it was handy.
Theresa says
Hi JDaniel4's Mom.
Yes, they can be very handy in certain situations (and much easier not to use in others). Thanks for stopping by.
: 0 ) Theresa
Cat (Yellow Days) says
It's so interesting to hear how differently these harnesses are seen in the US. Here in the UK they are quite common. Still not for everyone and some people are of course very against them but you regularly see them when out and about. I think they are seen a bit like dummies (pacifiers), not ideal but a practical solution to a parenting problem when used judiciously. But hey, some people are always going to be obnoxious, ignore them! Thanks for linking up to our Parenting Pin-it Party.
Theresa says
I just realized I missed your comment! I don't think anyone uses them unless they see a potential safety hazard if they do not. Lately, I have been using them to get in and out of busy parking lots and then I tuck in the tails and everyone holds hands. If I had a 'runner' I would use it all the time!